Daily Reflections

Influential Talks

2010-07-19T19:22:00.000-07:00

Over the years, I have read and heard many different talks from prophets and apostles. I don't doubt that all of them are indeed the word of God, but there are some which I have heard and/or read at critical moments in my life which have deeply affected me and helped me to become who I am and realize who I want to be. Without getting too personal as to those experiences, I do, however, want to share a list of those talks, as they are publicly available to all. This is not simply a list of "great" talks, but those which have and continue to have a profound influence on me and who I want to be. Here goes:

President Ezra Taft Benson, "Jesus Christ - Gifts and Expectations," December 10, 1974 BYU Devotional
Elder Henry B. Eyring, "As a Child," April 2006 General Conference
President Henry B. Eyring, "God Helps the Faithful Priesthood Holder," October 2007 General Conference
President Bruce C. Hafen, "Love is Not Blind - Some Thoughts on Ambiguity for College Students," January 9, 1979 BYU Devotional
Elder Robert D. Hales, "Examples From the Life of a Prophet," October 1981 General Conference
President Jeffrey R. Holland, "Of Souls, Symbols and Sacraments," January 12, 1988 BYU Devotional
Elder Neal A. Maxwell, "Swallowed Up in the Will of the Father," October 1995 General Conference
Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, "The Virtue of Kindness," April 2004 General Conference

Now this isn't to say that only 9 talks have ever moved me- I am always learning from the prophets and apostles when they speak and I have to resist the temptation to add every talk I've ever heard to this list, because every talk has indeed affected me in some way, small or large. But these talks have had very large influences on me and for all of them I can associate experiences in which the Lord taught me important things to help me come closer to Him.

I don't know that you will have the same life-changing experiences I have had were you to go read all of these talks, but I do know that if we fill our lives with the words of the prophets and apostles as well as the words of the holy scriptures every day, then we most certainly will have these experiences for ourselves and come to know God and draw closer to Him.

2010 so far

2010-06-17T15:40:00.000-07:00

As some have noticed (and cajoled me about), it has been a little while since I last posted a blog entry. So here it is, and I suppose I have some catching up to do with where I am in life. So here is what 2010 has brought so far as we approach the halfway point of the year:

1) I have completed one whole year of graduate school. Before I started this year, I didn't fully buy in to all the warnings of how the first year of econ grad school is "the worst year of your life," "miserable," "the end of your life," or any other such dire description. That said, I still enjoyed the last year and was far from miserable, however, I've never studied so hard in my life. The closest comparison I have to the workload was when I was a missionary and working hard 24/7. But work is not without its rewards, and I really do feel that I have learned a ton in this past year, more than I had ever learned about economics before. So I felt like it was a very fulfilling year, if not intense and stressful much of the time. But I passed my exams and I'm moving on to year two, to bigger and tougher exams and more stress, I suppose, which means I should probably be taking a break right now, but no, instead...

2) I'm working as a research assistant this summer. Many people I know (including my sisters) seem to do various exciting and thrilling things with their summers and time off, like traveling to distant places to do humanitarian work, biking across the country, going on cruises, doing study abroads and the like. For me, I seem to always end up continuing to work from where I left off at the end of the school. I do take breaks at the holidays and for parts of the summer, but I am one who likes to be actively engaged in productive activities and that often results in more studying and more work. I think that's actually kind of boring, but it's very productive and I like getting things done, so I keep doing it. And I have felt very productive as a research assistant and it's only been a few weeks! I have a really good relationship with my professor (David Lee) and I feel like I'm treated as much more of an equal than I would have expected. We're working on projects that I find interesting (unemployment, job search, research design) and I'm getting to contribute significant portions of the research and learn quite a bit about the whole process. I think it's been a great experience, and I'm really not bummed about traveling somewhere exotic, especially since...

3) I am a proud home-owner*, the emphasis being more on the proud and less on the owner part. My parents contributed most (i.e. all) of the downpayment and I still have a mortgage I'm paying off, but hey, I'm very excited about a place of my own. My dad has been coming down quite a bit lately to help do work to make it more livable and nicer too. I'm still without most of the major furniture, but I now have a working kitchen and the fundamentals I need to get by. The process has been great to see so one day when I'm on my own and buying a house myself, I will have a feel for how to go about it. And it's exciting to have so much control over the layout and look and be able to find furniture that I like and a layout that fits well. And the tax credit from being a first time home buyer hasn't been too bad either. And it's really fun for me to get to see my dad more often with him coming and visiting here. I don't often get many chances to visit home, mostly because

4) I'm staying plenty busy with other service, interests and activities. I continue to serve in the ward as a ward clerk and I've been recently called to work with the Stake Young Single Adults too. These are great callings which allow me to really serve in the Church and gain valuable experience while contributing in meaningful ways. I really love serving as the clerk and being able to spend time with the Bishopric and be very engaged with the whole ward membership. I'm still playing my fair share of basketball, although often at the somewhat unseemly hour of 6:30am on Saturdays. And I'm still working on a number of music arrangements and compositions for solo voice or quartet. It's interesting - for all the time I spent doing music and drama throughout my high school and early college years, it seems that people seem to identify me most with academics or athletics. I enjoy those too and invest quite a bit there, and although most of my outlets for music are through Church right now, it is still very important to me. I'm hoping to publish an arrangement I wrote of the primary song, "My Heavenly Father Loves Me," sometime in the next year and I'm working on several other arrangements, as well as organizing several musical numbers for Church. In fact, I'm attaching a link to a demo of aforementioned arrangement here (to view you'll need to download the mp3 file) - it's crudely recorded and I don't know that it's perfectly in tune either, but it's a flavor of what I've been working on.

http://www.box.net/shared/3qqrvuxj4s

Well, that's life right now! Hopefully I can find more time to keep this better updated!

1 semester down, 9 to go

2010-01-22T11:51:00.000-08:00

With the completion of my econometrics final on Thursday morning, I have finished my first semester of graduate school here at Princeton. It's been a pretty intense semester, and by all accounts, next semester is more of the same if not even harder. But I like being pushed - I really feel like I've learned a lot in these past few months and it's been very fulfilling to gain so much from all the hard work put in. Of course, my entire perspective may change when I see my grades, but even so, I have learned a lot.

I don't know about you, but I know that I have several songs which run in my internal playlist for when I accomplish something big like finishing a semester or turning in a major assignment. Usually the songs are sports themes from ESPN, actually. But listen to this and try telling me there's a better song to play in your head just after you've finished something very difficult:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgLIoOojHkc&feature=related

Almost there...Well, not really

2009-12-17T15:12:00.001-08:00

I love reading many of my friends blog posts and facebook messages at this season that go like this:

"DONE!"
"I've finished my first semester at graduate school! Hooray!"
"One more test... almost free..."

I get really excited and start to post one of my own, and then I remember...

My semester still has 6 more weeks.

Now some of you may think this is a bad thing, having finals after Christmas break (and as I hear it, Princeton is the only university who still does this), but I think it's ingenious. You see, finals start January 13, so we have nearly 4 weeks off to simultaneously relax and review the material for our tests. Some might say they wouldn't remember anything after Christmas, but in Grad School - that's pretty hard to do given it's all you've done all day for the past 3 months. So it's a win-win. Except for the whole not actually done yet bit.

But we did have a fun holiday skit party tonight. Allow me to apologize in advance for the sense of humor I will be losing in the next 4 years of life as a graduate student - judging by the humor of the increasingly older graduate students, the future seems bleak on this front. The faculty skit was funny... but in a nerdy sort of way. Sigh. But it's what I signed up for, right? And who am I kidding? I've been a nerd from day 1!

Getting through the daily work

2009-10-14T19:08:00.000-07:00

So I haven't posted for a little while because... well, it seems like every day follows the same routine. Rush out of bed at 8am, morning classes until 12 or so depending on the day, studying, afternoon precept sessions, more studying, studying some more, sleep. Really, I have been impressed at how much work there is to do in graduate school. It's very invigorating and exciting, albeit quite exhausting. This being said, I still take time to do other things, even when they would seem to interfere with studying. For example, I spent most of last weekend attending the General Conference of the Church and focusing on the messages delivered by the prophet, apostles and other leaders of the Church. A few weeks ago, I took off time to travel to New York to attend a worship session at the Temple there. Just Monday I traveled out to Pennsylvania to attend my Grandmother's funeral. And of course, I don't study on Sundays, I attend a weekly scripture study class and I take time every day to study the scriptures myself. Some might think that this would be hard to sustain with all the work I do. I know people who under pressure find it best to not attend Church or attend to other obligations until they finish their work. I respect their decisions. But I feel that I could not make it through my studies without the added strength, focus and help I get from focusing on things of a spiritual nature. I saw that this was true in my studies as an undergraduate - there was undoubtedly divine assistance given me in my classes and my studies. That hasn't changed with graduate school, even if the workload has increased. Don't get me wrong - I love my studies and I think they are very important. I just think that there are things more important than school, and I am not afraid to take time away from school to attend to these weightier matters. Every second I'm studying I'm working hard though, and I am sometimes behind my classmates in how far I am in completing my studies. But I have no doubt that I am better off in every regard for establishing my priorities this way.

5K Run

2009-09-26T14:11:00.000-07:00

So today I ran my first official 5K and it went really well. Apparently, the Princeton 1st Ward here has run it together as a team for the past 4 years. This time we had 50 members participating in either the 1-mile fun run or the 5K Race. We all wore bright yellow Princeton 1st Ward T-Shirts, and overall we had a lot of fun. For a long time, I've been meaning to be more active at running, so when I heard the ward was going to do this, I committed to it and started training. I only had a month to train, but I still ran a 28:20 in the race. I'm really pleased with the outcome - I wanted to be under 30 minutes. But I used to be able to run a lot faster than that, so I'm looking into when the next 5K is happening in the area so I can beat my time. It's funny - after the race, there was tons and tons of food, amongst which was super greasy pizza. The pizza was good, yes, but that's not the first food I'd necessarily think of eating after a race. So after burning all those calories we put them all back on. But I'm excited to be getting into running and finding a way to stay in shape amidst all the busyness of school!

First Official Day

2009-09-17T16:56:00.000-07:00

Well, today was our first official day of classes. It was really good, and nice to have one and a half hour long classes instead of three hour classes. But it is kind of weird, because one of our two classes today was simply the continuation of math camp. So I've really only had new class so far - microeconomic theory - and then we don't have classes tomorrow. Here I am, all ready to dive into the semester and get working, and after the first day, we have a three day weekend. Granted, we have assignments in both classes, but I'm almost yearning for more classroom time. Don't worry, I'm sure that will change very quickly.

Other than that, life goes on here at Princeton. One bit of exciting news, however, is that I'm getting ready to submit my first paper for publication. My undergraduate advisor/employer, Dr. Butler (or "Coach" as he prefers to be called), sent me back his revisions on my paper on casino and wages and says I should go ahead and submit it. I think he's overestimating the paper a little, given by the highly-ranked journals he thinks we should submit it to, but I'm just excited to submit something at all. The really neat thing, however, is that I'm the lead author on the paper, so it's exciting because I've done most of the work. We'll see how the submission process goes, but I'm just excited to start getting into the real world of research!

Diversity

2009-09-11T17:39:00.000-07:00

So one of the great things about being a graduate student at Princeton is the cultural diversity we experience here. There are more international students in my incoming class than there are Americans. The breakdown is 8 Americans, 2 Canadians, 2 Argentinians, 1 Italian, 1 Israeli, 3 French, and 7 Chinese. That's not all. On my floor there are 8 guys. Only 6 have moved in, but of those six we have 1 American (me), 1 Canadian, 1 Russian, and 3 Chinese. There is an incredible diversity amongst graduate students in this regard. That being said, there have been endless humorous moments that have stemmed from... well... cultural differences, you could say. If they're not cultural differences, well, at least they illustrate the unique personalities I have all around every day. Here are just some highlights:

- I don't know what the reason is, but the 3 French students in Economics are all OBSESSED with Jay-Z. Like, incredibly obsessed. They having been talking all week about the Jay-Z concert online tonight. They set up their laptop in the projector room and watched it on the big screen tonight, and they've been inviting anyone and everyone to come watch it with them. And as they told us, "But it's not just Jay-Z, guys! Beyonce and lots of other famous musicians will be there!"

- One of the Chinese guys on my floor did his undergrad at Cambridge in the UK. That's right, the UK - I have not heard the word England or Britain once in the last 2 weeks. His english is pretty good, but there's still a significant Chinese accent. This accent is never more funny than when he leaves and tells me, "Cheers, mate!"

- I've been watching a fair amount of sports lately (including a great BYU win!) in the common rooms here, and usually someone will come in and sit down and watch with me. I find whenever I'm watching baseball, it seems to just attract numerous international students. My Argentinian friend Gaston seemed to pick up on the rules of baseball pretty quick, but my Indian friends had some trouble. Here's how the conversation went:
ME: So if the guy hits it over the fence, it's called a home run. He gets to go around all the bases and everyone else on the bases comes home too. So like that home-run just now, because there was a guy already on first base, the team scored -
INDIAN FRIEND (IF): Oh yes, they scored one run! Nice!
ME: No, well actually they scored two runs because there was a guy on first and the guy at the plate. So they scored two runs. And if there was a guy on second too, they'd -
IF: Score two runs! I get it - two guys on base, two runs.
ME: No, no. Three runs, not two runs.
IF: Three runs?
ME: Yes, there's the guy who hit the ball too.
IF: So many runs does he get?
ME: Just one - each player gets one run.
IF: So wait, you can only get one run for a home run?
ME: No, no, no. One run for each player - so with two guys on base, you get -
IF: Ah yes, four runs.
And so on. You get how it goes.

- And my Chinese classmates are hilarious. They all know that I speak Chinese, but sometimes they forget. Often times I'm told, "Um, yeah don't tell anyone about that." And they all think it's rip-roaring funny when I respond in Chinese. Hopefully not because I sound so bad. But my friend Cheng says my Chinese is better than some of my Chinese classmates. I don't know about that, but while we're on the subject of Cheng, this guy is the funniest guy in our class. He is very soft spoken, but he does the most random things and says the most sarcastic things too. We've been playing volleyball a lot as a class, and he started playing with us the other day. We tried to help him communicate on the court and also learn to call if the ball is going out. This backfired, as he started calling the name of whoever was hitting the ball at that moment. So if Judd is serving, Cheng calls out, "Jahdd!" just as Judd hits it. Then, he took to calling out, "Jahdd!" whenever anyone hit it. Then when the ball was hit right to the middle of the court, he repeatedly would yell out, "The ball is not out! The ball is not out!" Very funny. He also likes calling me "Vahm," as in vom Lehn. I've told him he can call me Christian, but he usually calls me "Vahm," not "Kreesjohn!"

Anyway, I don't know if those are funny to anyone else, but we all love it here. As a quick side note too, I may be behind the times, but if you haven't heard yet, there's this funny viral thing called Auto-tune the news on Youtube. Some of the ones are pretty wacky, but it's very clever. They basically use Auto-tune to make news anchors sing their reports. Check it out. This one is my favorite so far, but people also love the second one as well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Psfn6iOfS8&feature=related

This site has all of them here:
http://www.autotunethenews.com/

Sundays and Problem Sets

2009-09-07T09:42:00.000-07:00

Well, as to be expected, there are quite a few adjustments that are accompanying the start of graduate school and one of the big ones has to do with church on Sunday. Unlike many other areas around universities (like, all the ones I've lived in through the past three years), there is no church ward just for young singles. In my ward, there will probably be at most only 20 young singles, and that's a high estimate. That's not to say there aren't more in the surrounding areas, but it's a different experience to go to church with families. I've really enjoyed it thus far, but it is different not having so many single peers. And it does mean that once church is over, Sundays are wide open timewise, so I'm learning how to manage time on Sundays better. At least the one thing I don't worry about so much on Sunday is...

Problem Sets. Problem Sets. Problem Sets. Those are the three things on my mind the most during the week right now. OK, so maybe it isn't quite that bad, but there is a lot of work to be done... and the official semester hasn't even started yet! I have already worked on my current problem set 10 hours or so, and I've still got at least a third or more left of it. But such is the life of a first year Econ student. But as I always say, better busy than bored!

Life at Princeton

2009-09-04T21:06:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm now officially moved in to my dorm and a grad student at Princeton. The first few days after moving in were pretty quiet - just time to get settled and a few social events for us to meet our classmates. I really like my classmates so far - I've gotten to know most of them relatively well, and we all work well together as we've studied together and worked on problem sets. The environment out here is incredible - you really feel like you're in a different world, which is really exciting. Our Math Camp started on Wednesday, and it's been quite intense so far, but the challenge is good. The material is all review for me, but the problem sets are long and hard. But a bunch of us have a group of sorts which meets together to work on the problem sets. But it's still a lot of work. Until the semester starts, I'll be in class for 3 hours each day, and probably spend at least another 5 hours outside of class working on the homeworks we have each day.

So life is good. As always, there are still some adjustments to be made, but I'm really excited to dive into Economics and to be surrounded with intellectual peers who I work well with.

Big Adjustments

2009-07-13T13:39:00.000-07:00

So I have just recently moved home for a couple months before I head out to graduate school. It's a big transition in my life here, bigger than I had realized before. But it's good to be home with family and enjoy time with them. My littlest sister Rachel loves for me to go out and play baseball with her in the backyard, and even though she can barely hit the ball, she could play for hours and hours. Even though I do have lots of time while I'm here, I am being productive actually. I just got some of my preparation materials for graduate school and it was a bit of a wake up call for me. I guess I probably need to remember everything I did as an undergraduate. Funny that. Anyway, I'm spending a few hours a day studying and getting ready for that, so I'll be ready come end of August. So that's life mostly. I'll try to post more often here, but life is quiet and steady, although quite the upheaval and change these days.

Women's Conference

2009-05-02T18:09:00.000-07:00

Well, so I'm now officially a college graduate. So, with graduation behind me, my first action was...to work nearly 60 hours the next week doing Women's Conference. I basically did two things - moving crew work and drive a van shuttle for presenters and VIPs during the conference. I really enjoyed the whole week. Though it was at times very exhausting, I had a lot of fun. It was really neat getting to drive around various members of the auxiliary presidencies of the church and visit with them some, even get dating advice too. It was just so sweet to see them interact with the sisters at the conference and see how much love they have for them. So, instead of takin a vacation after graduation, I took a work-ation. But it was time well spent with a great bunch of co-workers and some very fulfilling work, even the moving. I really do love manual labor. If I weren't a college graduate, I might just be a professional mover, or work construction. Well... maybe not, but I love the feeling of working with my hands and seeing the product of your labor right in front of you. So, I'll just be a part-time mover, full-time economist.

In Search of the Monkey

2009-04-21T11:13:00.000-07:00

So in the midst of finals and everything else going on with the end of the semester here, our apartment has been plagued by a series of "criminal occurrences." The worst violation was a heinous kidnapping of a beloved member of our apartment. Though he doesn't have a contract in the apartment, he is truly the seventh member of our apartment and an invaluable part of our lives. He doesn't have a name, but is simply referred to "The Monkey." Here is a picture of him:

He indeed is an incredible member of the apartment. Not only does he wear a super cool cape and mask, but he flies. Yes, he flies. The below picture shows how he does it:

Truly amazing, and to top it off, he lets out a terrifying shriek every time he flies. He has protected our apartment from many an intruder and spent many fun hours with us. He is a highly valued friend.

And he's been missing for almost three weeks now. You might think it's because some of us are not the tidiest individuals and that he is lost underneath a pile of books. But no. No, some nemesis of ours has taken The Monkey, and we are lost without him. After all, what is life without sudden monkey attacks when you walk in the door, or booby-trapped hallways with the Monkey ready to spring out and attack you, and the ever popular Monkey showdowns? Yes, someone has stolen the monkey and we're going to find out who. We haven't received a ransom note yet, but we'll uncover the evil-doers. I've already interrogated quite a few individuals and still no leads yet. But we'll find him and get him back. Oh, we will.

Practice, Practice, Practice

2009-04-15T16:47:00.001-07:00

I've been asked to assist in a musical number for our college convocations a week or two from now, and I'm pretty excited for the music we're preparing. It's a trio - myself on piano, and then a violinist and cellist, and we're playing an arrangement of I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go. The arrangement is very nice, and we are sounding pretty good just after one practice. The music isn't that difficult, but there's one catch. My college has about five bzillion people in it (so maybe that's an exaggeration, but just think of how many history, psychology, political science, or economics majors you know and you'll get an idea of what I'm talking about). Now I've had numerous opportunities to perform in front of large groups as a member of a larger ensemble, but not very many times when it's just been me and a few others. I've sung a solo in sacrament meeting, accompanied musical numbers in Stake Conference, and done several performances along that scale. But the Marriott Center, where our convocations are, is huge, and not exactly the most acoustically well-designed performance hall.

I'm not too worried, but I have found that when you're playing in front of large groups, no matter how good you are, it's really easy to get nervous. For example, last Stake Conference, I accompanied a musical number for the priesthood leadership meeting, and when I started the music, because I hadn't played on that piano before and was a little bit nervous, I managed to start a major third too high. Now I quickly caught the error and adjusted, but come on! I'm not the world's greatest pianist, but I've played for 15+ years. You'd think I could read the music on the page. But that's just what happens when you get a bit nervous. So I'm spending a little more time than usual practicing this ordinarily simple accompaniment just so I don't end up nailing a tritone in the middle of convocations. And that's not mentioning that we'll be wearing our caps and gowns when we're performing. I suppose I should count myself lucky if I don't trip and fall off the stage.

A Return to the Blog

2009-04-07T20:32:00.000-07:00

So it has been a long time since I have posted anything on my blog and while I was on one of my recent travels, I got to thinking about how I could actually use my blog. Before when I was writing my blog, I was trying to write about more major things that were happening in my life, and yet to try and maintain privacy, I would be intentionally vague about the details. I sure this was no doubt frustrating to those who were reading my posts. So I've decided to try a new approach. I'm not necessarily going to write about the great and important events of my daily life, but I'll write detailed descriptions of events and experiences that are less personal and private. So you might not be able to really take away what major things are happening in my life, but hopefully you can enjoy with me some of the small but fun things that go on in my life.

So for starters, I feel like I've been blessed with a very good memory. I can remember people's names, birthdays and random facts about them for quite some time after just one conversation. In fact, for many of my close friends, I can re-create entire conversations that I had with them months and in some cases, in even years ago. For example, two years ago, my roommate Jon and I were up late taking a friend to the hospital and had quite the adventure trying to find someplace to get food at 3am on a Friday night. I can remember the looks on the faces of the Wendy's employees, half dazed, half spacey, telling us that an oven fire "contaminated" the entire kitchen, and that not even the drinks were good. I can remember the hand motions Jon made as he tried to convince the McDonald's cashier that he could fit more french fries in a medium fries than a machine. Anyway, the point is, I remember things very well.

But my memory's Achilles heel is my habit of constantly leaving my scriptures behind whenever I leave someplace. I usually forget at least once a day. Today I had just finished buying lunch when I realized that my scriptures were missing. I went back into the Twilight Zone at the Wilk trying to see if I left them there, but no luck. I then backtracked to the computer lab in the basement of the Kimball Tower and found them there, sitting next to the computer I had been working at a couple hours ago. I was lucky no one had taken them to the lost and found because that's usually what happens. I swear, the people who work at the lost and found must know me by name these days. I can't tell you how many times I've had to go there to get my scriptures back. And it's never for anything else - always the same thing, getting my scriptures back. I wouldn't be half surprised if they had a bin reserved for my scriptures there, knowing they're bound to be back soon. And if I didn't learn my lesson at lunch, after getting a quick microwave dinner, I started off to Institute to find what was missing? You guessed it. I had left them by the microwave in the Math building. And I was heading to Institute class, the one place I'd really need them all day, so you'd think I'd remember to check for them. Nope. One day I'll figure it out. Maybe I'll just permanently glue my cell phone to my scripture case. Then I can just have a friend call my phone whenever I lose my scriptures...

Personal Space

2008-09-13T09:40:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a little while since I've last written a post on my blog here. Life certainly has been plenty busy with the beginning of fall semester. This year my class load is very intense, but there is a lot of overlap between the classes which helps in reinforcing the basic principles. I feel like I pretty much understand everything, although I generally feel like I am one of the least knowledgeable individuals in my math classes, which are filled with people who specialize in these fields and have extensive experience in them. But I'm confident that it will be a good semester. Anyway, part of the reason I haven't been posting as much lately is that I've had less and less of a desire to share personal things with the world. When I started this blog, I originally intended for it to be less of a reflection of me and more of a series of daily insights I've had, particularly relating to the gospel. But even those gospel insights can be very personal, and sharing them without disclosing those personal details often dilutes their meaning. So I'm trying to figure out how I should use this blog. I am very much committed to keeping a lot more things in my life personal right now, and while I may share such details with close friends and family, I want to cut back how open I've been. I wouldn't say what I've shared has been inappropriate, but that it has been perhaps more than I would have liked to share. I think my openness has stemmed from a desire to be better understood, but honestly, it seems when I share some semi-personal things with some people, others understand even less and it just adds stress for me. I can't say for certain what turn this blog will take, but I'm not going to give in just yet. I'll find a constructive use for it.

To be

2008-09-04T22:12:00.000-07:00

Well, I don't have much to say except sitting around doesn't accomplish much. You need to move forward in some direction to get things going. Enough with Wittenberg - no more idle sitting for me.

Sitting on the eve

2008-09-01T21:17:00.000-07:00

Well, today marks the last day of BYU students' summer. I do have to say I feel that it has been a great day. I was able to play both frisbee and soccer and then go to BJ's birthday celebration, but then I also cleaned and organized my entire room, did laundry and got everything lined up for the fall semester. So it's been a great day to end out the summer. I still have a lot of work to do, though. I have to admit that all I'm trying to do can be a little overwhelming at times. Between a heavy class load this fall, getting ready for the GRE, filling out grad school applications, handling research challenges at work, starting a new church calling and then trying to balance out exercise, dating and all other extra activities, life can be pretty intense sometimes. But worrying and fretting over these things does little good. I find that when I feel overwhelmed like that I just need to take a deep breath and start making plans and taking action. This doesn't always take care of everything, but it helps me to assuage my worrying. After all, what does all that worrying accomplish? Anyway, I am also extremely grateful for the Atonement and the Holy Ghost and the strength and peace we can gain to hold up under pressure. I certainly have felt that today, and now I feel very confident going into one of the most intense semesters of my academic career.

Getting the truth out

2008-09-01T00:18:00.001-07:00

So tonight I talked with my roommate for a long time. At the beginning of our conversation, we both had different viewpoints, but as we came to talk more, we increasingly understood each other. By the end, we understood each other and I understood a lot more about myself. It was a really neat experience. The subject was quite personal, but now I feel much more enlightened about why I feel the way I do and what needs to be done in my situation. I think it's great how conversation can help us to dig in and be forced to explain ourselves, teaching ourselves about how we really think and feel in the process. Coming to understand yourself is a hard process because you see everything through colored lenses. But the more we realize about who we are and why we do what we do, the better able we are to make informed decisions and really be true to who we are. When we let the power of others' suggestion rule our decision-making process, we often do the very opposite of what we feel and think deep down. Anyway, there's vague for you. In some ways I have mixed feelings about the blog, because I don't want to fully be open with things in public. And so you get these garbled musings which leave you with more questions than answers about me. Sorry. But I can't guarantee a change in the near future.

To be or not to be

2008-08-29T10:00:00.000-07:00

So as I was pondering before I fell asleep last night, my mind turned over to Shakespeare's Hamlet. Now allow me to say that Hamlet is hands down one of my favorite dramas. It is quite dark, but there is so much depth to Hamlet himself and so many layers of interpretation that I find very intellectually stimulating. Anyway, in some ways, I have somethings in common with Hamlet. No, my uncle didn't murder my father, I haven't seen any ghosts, and I most certainly am not depressed or going crazy. But I do think about things a lot, and every now and then my conservatism and cautiousness can catch up with me just like it did somewhat with Hamlet. Hamlet's famous soliloquy that begins with "to be or not to be" is simply him debating all the possible complications of any action he chooses. He seemingly overanalyzes the situation and his constant introspection ultimately results in a pattern of indecision. If anything, he's a role model in what not to do with such contemplation. Such excessive caution that some of us exercise comes from a fear of failure, a fear that we'll fall short. This often is evident in those who we term "perfectionists." But that really shouldn't be something we're afraid of. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we can be ultimately triumphant over all things. It requires perspective, but we know that if we follow Christ, we build on a foundation that will not fail. Thus, if we are unified with Christ, we too will not ultimately fail. Temporary setbacks and shortcomings are part of this life, but ultimate victory is attainable through Christ. Therefore, what? We shouldn't be afraid to fall on our face every now and then, to have people laugh at us. These are simply growing pains that we will all experience as we pursue good things. In many cases, doing nothing is worse than doing anything at all, and we shouldn't hesitate to take action in a direction that seems right. This may come off as more theological, philosophical rambling from me, but I really do have a conviction of these principles. We don't have to be afraid of anything.

Punch In, Punch Out

2008-08-27T21:15:00.000-07:00

Good News: I've been clocking lots of hours doing research and with some parental assistance, I should now be financially secure to buy textbooks, cover expenses for the semester, make it through the entire graduate school application process and have cash to spare. Grad school is worth it, but I'll think I'll end up paying nearly $1,000 just to complete all the necessary tests and applications.

Bad News: Having been doing so much research, I may have encountered a fatal flaw in my research design.

The bad news hit me as I was finishing up work today. I have to admit, it was kind of frustrating to find that out, but I didn't let it get me down. Instead, as I was walking home, I started laughing about it and realizing that if for some reason the project were to go under, it wouldn't be the end of the world. And then I began to think more about the specific problem with the data, and I realized there might be a really nifty trick that will resolve the problem and actually improve the overall strength of the paper. I hope it works, but I really do feel like it was a stroke of inspiration. We'll see if it pans out, but nonetheless, I find myself better appreciating the merits of being patient and staying calm. Sometimes life gets crazy and things keep crashing down on us, but if we're willing to laugh it off and be patient until things are resolved, we will be infinitely better off than incessantly fretting about it and worrying. Things ultimately work out when we are putting forth our best effort. So I just keep working and doing my best.

I think research is simultaneously the most exciting and most challenging work I've ever done. I am left mostly to myself to construct designs and methodologies on my own to answer questions that either I or my professor come up with. Then I spend months gathering data, cleaning the data, developing an optimal statistical approach to answer the question, and continually changing and revising it all as new problems and challenges arise. At times it is utterly maddening and even boring, but when you're making breakthroughs and achieving robust results, life couldn't be better. So I guess an Econ PhD is for people like me.

On a side note, I had an excellent run this evening. I'm really excited about my goal to go running every day and I may actually try to train for a race sometime in the future. I used to really hate running, but the last few times I've gone, it's been very exhilirating. And it's helping me to get back in shape too. That coupled with my improved summer meal plans should help me to be in the best physical condition of my life this fall.

The Grand Outdoors

2008-08-25T17:40:00.000-07:00

So, this afternoon I went up with an old mission companion of mine to the Uintas to hang out and do a little fishing. We admittedly did more of the former and less of the latter, however, it was nice to get away from it all and enjoy nature. It really is beautiful up there. So considering my limited remaining time in Utah, I'm starting to make a list of all the things I need to do before I head to grad school next year. Arches National Park and Zion's are both on my list, as is a road trip to California, as I've never been there before. Lately I've really been enjoying some wonderful conversations about life and about the gospel, both today with my old companion and last night with my new roommate John Boyle. It's such a wonderful privilege to discuss things to important and dear to me with people who feel similarly about these things. So life is great. I'm getting increasingly excited to start fall semester and once again be in the thick of economic analysis and all the busy activities that compose a semester. I really feel blessed and feel like everything in life is going well. The more I plan for grad school and research schools, applications and the whatnot, the more I get excited about it all. I still anticipate a great deal of stress with the whole application process, but it's going to be exciting nonetheless. Well, I need to go running here to accomplish one of my new fitness goals, so that's all for now!

Family Time

2008-08-19T22:22:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm putting up this entry, but I won't likely put up many others this week because I'm up in Park City with my family until Sunday. It's nice to spend some time with my family here. My sister Ann is just getting ready to start school at BYU, so we're helping her get all the stuff she needs and then get her moved in. So it's a busy vacation, but still, family time is family time and when you only get to see your family twice a year at best, it's always worth it. So I'm enjoying some down time and just having the opportunity to relax and leave behind school for a little while. But I starting to get excited for fall semester too. Lots of good things lie ahead in this coming year and I'm excited to dive in.

Relaxing at the Temple

2008-08-16T22:22:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm officially enjoying this vacation and it has been nice to not have so many deadlines for a little while. Today was a little leisurely, but I still felt like it was a productive day of relaxation. I don't think there's anything more relaxing than a session at the temple. Wow, that just helps put everything in perspective and is a wonderful preparation for the Sabbath and getting ready to take the sacrament. Today I just sat down outside the temple afterwards and looked at the stars and pondered for a little while. I love looking up at the stars. There's just this constant, eternal feeling I have as I look at them and it's so peaceful. And then I got to enjoy a nice long walk home just thinking and singing to myself. I miss being a temple worker, and the similar experiences I had when I worked there, but to everything there is a season, right? Anyway, I can tell this vacation will be very therapeutic. And my family comes into town in 2 days!

Finished!

2008-08-14T21:52:00.001-07:00

Well, it's official - I'm done with finals for the semester! But I still have work, so it's not like I'll be lounging around all day now, but it is nice to be done and also nice to have clinched my desired GPA for grad school applications. I'm excited to enjoy this vacation, but I'm not going to get casual in important things - scripture study and prayer for example - it's easiest to let them slip not when you have too much to do, but when you have too little to do. But I'm ready to stay on top of it. Anyway, today's been a very fulfilling day. I helped a couple friends move some stuff today, and boy, do I love helping people move. For me, it's just fun, both helping a friend and just the act of moving all these heavy objects. It's a nice break from academics and I really get to work with my hands. So it was great fun for me. Anyway, I better get to bed before it gets late and I get distracted!

Done!

2008-08-12T00:13:00.000-07:00

Today was the final day of classes for the summer term and I turned my final homework assignment. It's a nice feeling to think that I have until September 2 before I'll be back in class. Don't get me wrong - I do enjoy school, in fact it kinda makes me sad when I hear people talk about how they'll just forget all they've learned once they've graduated. But I'm long overdue for a good vacation and I look forward to some family time and just some time to work on some personal things here. Rest really is an important thing. It's invigorating to work hard and it feels great when you give your all, but you can only go so long without stopping to rejuvenate and recharge. On my mission, I felt blessed to have extra strength and energy to endure a heavier workload, but I find in my circumstances now I really need to be disciplined and get good sleep or else I can't function. Anyway, I should get to bed even though tomorrow's just a reading day. Three tests from vacation!

Awkward

2008-08-09T22:16:00.001-07:00

Well, it's been a good day, and a long week. I realize I haven't posted since Sunday, but it's been a fairly crazy week contrary to prior expectations. Today, however, was a nice break. I got to do some good studying, played some ball, went and did some service at Deseret Industries, did a session at the temple and then stopped by a friend's going away party. The reasoning behind the post's title today is just that there was one slightly awkward moment as Jon (my roommate) and I were leaving. Awkward moments are not fun, but I think sometimes some of us, at least at BYU, are so afraid of things being awkward that we act even more awkward. Kinda funny, huh? I guess it's just part of learning to work out the whole interpersonal relationships things. It's interesting - these relationships can bring us the greatest joy in life and also cause us the greatest pain. I really think that one of the great things we are to learn in this life is how to treat others, how to really learn to love and serve all different kinds of people. It certainly is not easy, but exciting when we see ourselves making progress. Anyway, I'm hoping to learn to not make things awkward, but to be more mature than that. But I'm still learning.

P.S. For those following our illustrious softball team, disaster struck this week and we lost two in a row to get knocked out of the tournament. We ended up getting 3rd of 16 teams, but it was a bit disappointing. Especially when I pulled a Bill Buckner on the last play of one of the games. Ugh. But hey, we have a great team and we had a lot of fun. It would have been nice to win and we certainly were capable of it, but winning isn't everything.

Tired

2008-08-03T20:41:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a pretty good Sunday, but quite the week and I'm pretty tired. Next week should be less crazy, but I still need to get a bit caught up before I can enjoy that. This may come off sounding like a random thought, but I sometimes wish I didn't have to worry about myself at all. I wish I could just focus on serving others day and night and being a friend and trying to be completely selfless. But there are so many personal things for me to take care of. I really think my dream situation in life would be to run from person to person providing aid, comfort, friendship and whatever they needed and just giving myself wholly to helping others and serving God. I suppose you could call that the "full time home-teacher" life, but that's not what the Lord has planned, and thus it is not what would be most beneficial to me. So I should be content with what opportunities are granted me to serve. And in reality, I think sometimes I wish for that kind of life so I can escape the pressures and situations of school, work, social life, and just trying to live up to expectations. So I'll keep going along and making the most of my opportunities and do all I can to serve all while not running faster than I have strength. But I do think it would be a great vacation to go play the anonymous good samaritan, or "full time home teacher" for a while.

Helping a Friend

2008-07-31T23:30:00.000-07:00

Well, today has been interesting. After studying for and taking a HEPE test (which went smoothly) I went to work. I decided to text one of my friends to see what his weekend plans were, and he called me back and shocked me with some very bad news. I have to admit, I was very surprised to hear what he had said. Forgive me for not explicitly naming names or events, but I do want to protect his privacy. I don't think I've ever been so stunned in my life - I couldn't keep working, I just wanted to go home and find some way to help this friend. Eventually, I was able to get some others involved and I myself wrote and delivered a letter with some goodies. He later called me up and we talked for a while. He made a decision that was very tough for him and very hard on some other people and he really felt like the world had turned its back on him as a result. I was just glad I was able to be his friend in his time of need, but my heart and prayers go out to everyone involved in the situation. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all need to be a friend to others because we never know when we will find ourselves in that situation where we desperately need a friend. And we need to be that wonderful friend when those we care about find themselves in desperate straits. Life isn't easy, and my friend has a rough road ahead for the next bit, but I know things will work out for him.

Home Stretch

2008-07-30T22:53:00.001-07:00

Well, I found out today that my fall grades won't be posted on my transcript when I apply to grad school so it means I'm in the home stretch right now. The grades I get in my classes right now will be the last ones posted, so I need to buckle down and finish out strong. Now this isn't to say I'm going to get lazy in my senior year - not at all, but it will be nice to have some of the pressure off me, because next year's classes will be far from easy. But life isn't about grades - sure, they're used to evaluate how well we learn, but the important thing is that we work hard and do our best. My parents never pressured me into getting the very top marks, just to do my best, and I really appreciated that. So I'm going to just do my best. And to some extent, that's how Heavenly Father works with us. He does have expectations for us, but He just wants us to do our best. He doesn't require us to be perfect, just to work hard to do all we can. Now when He expects our best, He means our very best - He will not be fooled if we give a half-hearted effort, but He wants us to succeed and will help us to give our all. That's what's great about the gospel - it's not cutthroat competitive. It's hard work, yes, but there is no quota, no limit to the number of seats in God's Kingdom. He wants all of us to succeed and He is on our side. He will help us to make it there if we let Him.

Quick Thoughts

2008-07-29T23:40:00.000-07:00

It's getting late here, but I've committed to getting to bed earlier tonight, so I'm going to keep this short. Life continues to go well - I haven't been getting the sleep I'd like lately, although I have been doing constructive things late at night. I really just feel so blessed for everything the Lord has given me - success in schoolwork, many friends, great opportunities to grow and learn and much more. Recently, we discussed gratitude in our Institute class in the context of remarks made by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland at commencement exercises for BYU Idaho some years ago. He commented that it was the third great commandment, and of paramount importance in our lives. I wholly agree. It is not always easy to "live in thanksgiving daily" (Alma 34:38) as Amulek implores, but it is at once refreshing and invigorating to do so. Anyway, just a few of my thoughts here. On a more recent occurrences note, our softball team won again today, with the game being called at 19-7. Three more wins and we win it all, and it is double elimination, so we have a safety net. But our frisbee team was torn apart 12-0 tonight and we were eliminated. You know, it's disappointing, but really, it's not the end of the world. Life is about so much more than intramural sports at BYU.

Baseball and Life

2008-07-26T13:51:00.000-07:00

Well, as you may have noticed, I've been playing a lot of baseball (softball) lately. That coupled with it being July and the AL East race in full swing has somewhat rekindled a die hard love for baseball in me. I think it may be my favorite sport right now. I really enjoy the strategy, the intensity, the skill - it's a lot of fun both to play and watch. It's funny, I was thinking today how I played baseball growing up and really stopped after an injury when I was in the fourth grade. With how I've been playing lately, I wonder if I could have been a very good baseball player had I not been injured. But then again, that injury was likely a blessing because if I became consumed with baseball, I likely would not have had opportunity to do so many other things like music, drama, and various other clubs. It's interesting how such events can have such an impact in our lives. One small event or occurrence can change so much of what occurs in the future. And often times those events are results of choices we make (although I certainly didn't choose to be injured in the fourth grade). Even though so many of my peers and even me myself sometimes feel like we'd rather not have to make so many decisions in our lives at this time, it really is a great blessing to be able to make choices for our future and be enabled to choose for ourselves. What a wonderful blessing from God, to let us choose for ourselves and not be compelled to do certain things. What trust He has in us to let us make those choices, and what great learning opportunities we have as we exercise our freedom to choose!

Late Night

2008-07-24T01:24:00.000-07:00

Well, I need to get to bed, but I just wanted to check in with a few thoughts. As I sit here and write this, my roommates are passionately debating affirmative action, discrimination and racism in the background. It's an interesting discussion - I don't know exactly how I feel about some of things being said, but they're passionate about it, that's for sure. Anyway, today's been a good day - our softball team played our best game of the season in the tournament opener and we won 25-11 (the game was called before the end of the inning). Life is going well right now - and being aware of this, I've been consciously striving to not get complacent and ungrateful for all the blessings in my life right now. When everything's going smoothly, it's all too easy to slip in your convictions and let life fall apart. The key is gratitude - and I'm working hard to stay grateful and not take these blessings for granted.

Competition

2008-07-22T23:59:00.001-07:00

Our ultimate frisbee team had its first tournament game tonight and it was intense. We had played this team before and beat them, but we knew they'd come out strong. I played all right, but I have to admit, I found myself bothered by how intense it got. Many of my teammates weren't even fazed by it, but I felt very uncomfortable with the environment. Now I consider myself a fairly competitive person, but this time, I felt like friendly competition had given way to animosity and unkindness. We ended up winning the game, but I hope the next game isn't quite so intense. I just can't bring myself to value winning over treating others in a Christlike manner. Granted, when the whole object of the game is to win, someone will lose, but there's a friendly way to do it. I guess I just want everyone to feel good at the end, but unfortunately in today's world, that rarely happens. It makes me wonder about my application for graduate school which I'm getting ready to do. There are several very notable candidates to get into the top programs and I hope our relationships won't be strained by the process. Honestly, even though I could get into the number one school, I haven't set my heart on it - I just want to go to a good school, the best one possible. That's not an ambitious goal considering my credentials, but as this is so out of my hands, I have a hard time setting my hopes on any one specific school. We'll see - it will all work out.

Sabbath Day

2008-07-20T22:55:00.000-07:00

Sunday, the sabbath day, is arguably the best day of the week. You get to go to church where you teach and learn the gospel of Jesus Christ, renew the promises you made at baptism, and get to associate with people who are genuinely striving to be more like Jesus Christ. Sure, church is made up of imperfect people, but we're all trying to improve. Today was certainly a good Sunday. Some great lessons were taught in the first two hours, and sacrament meeting is always great. I was awfully tired today, and that wore on me as church was wrapping up, but I was still able to get a lot out of it. And even though I was pretty exhausted for the better part of the afternoon, I had a great evening with friends. I think it's really neat to be able to have friends who share the same beliefs as you do. That's a lot of what makes the church so special - the opportunity we have to associate with people who have the same endgoal in mind that we do. Friendship is so important in this life, and we all need friends who will support us. I love the line in Proverbs which says "A friend loveth at all times." (Proverbs 17:17) That's what true friendship is all about - love, a genuine concern for the well-being of others. And to think, the Savior is willing to count us as His friends. I truly have no greater friend than Jesus Christ. I feel to blessed to know how personal Deity is and how close we can come to know them in this life. Anyway, I should get to bed, but I just love Sundays and look forward to a new week.

Catch Up

2008-07-18T20:19:00.000-07:00

It's been a few days since I've been able to post because of a string of late nights. Here's what they consisted of:

Tuesday night: After a thrilling softball win in our intramural game, Institute, and talking with my sister, the combined trappings of the 15 inning MLB All-Star game and Mary Shelley's Frankenstein kept me up late. But now the AL has home field advantage for the World Series!

Wednesday night: After spending most of the evening writing a paper on heroism in Don Quixote, I chatted for a long time with my roommate who is just home from being a missionary six weeks. That is a hard transition, and he's hanging in there, but I don't envy him. But it's always so sweet to be able to help someone just by being their friend.

Thursday night: Following months and months of hype, the new Batman movie came out and 15 of us went to go see the midnight showing. A very intelligent, exciting movie, but very creepy and unsettling. I admit, I was considering getting up and walking out early with how creepy it was, but in the end I enjoyed it.

So that's the sleep-deprived week I've had here, but school is going great, work is good, and life is all-around doing well. Lately I've had many opportunities to think a lot about my experiences as a missionary - the people I taught, the work I did training other missionaries, and the local members of the church there. And although I had a very successful mission, I look back and am grateful to see how I have continued to grow and develop so much since then. While change is not easy, when I realize the improvements that have occurred in my life, it gives me an overwhelming sense of optimism because I know I can continue to be better and better with each coming day. What makes these changes possible? The Atonement of Jesus Christ. And I am forever grateful that I can rely on Christ for support and aid in my life to help me be more like He would have me be.

Temporal Blessings

2008-07-14T22:48:00.000-07:00

I simply find it amazing how God really knows everything. Sure, we describe His character, detail His characteristics, but to have personal experiences with Him provide a unique type of knowledge. For example, I had been feeling a little overwhelmed with my classes going into today with a test today which I hadn't yet studied for, a paper due Wednesday which I've only written an introduction for, and the everlooming independent work for my health class which I didn't fully complete last week. But today, I just worked at it and felt peace about all of it. I didn't get too worried about the math assignment I hadn't started - and its due date was postponed to next Wednesday. My teacher read over the intro to my paper and found it really insightful and liked my thesis. And that test went smoother than I could have dreamed and I feel very confident about how I did. Now what does that have to do with Heavenly Father, you ask? I really feel that He is involved in the details of my life and helps me to be calm and feel reassurances because He knew that test wouldn't be so difficult and that homework assignment would be postponed. How can I brag about any success I achieve in academics or anywhere else when I know I owe so much to Him? Anyway, I've got to run - a friend just called and needs some urgent help, so out the door I go!

Vegas

2008-07-13T13:13:00.000-07:00

Well, yesterday I took my first ever trip to Las Vegas. My friends Jetmir and Alexa were getting married, so I went with a few friends to go to their reception. It was just a quick day trip - left at 11am back by 4am. But that gave me plenty enough taste of Las Vegas to know that I don't need to go back there anytime soon, or ever again. Sure, it's a novelty place, but all the things that attract most people to visit Vegas don't really appeal all that much to me. I could go on about why I don't care so much for the place, but I wouldn't want to bore you with my rantings. What was sweet was to see Jet and Alexa. Those two are just fantastic. Having attended church with them for a year or so and working with them in different functions, I really have come to have the utmost respect for them. I will never forget some of the conversations I've had with Jet. It's amazing how you can come to have such a love for people, how you can really care about them. I feel like they're my brother and sister, and funny thing is, I wouldn't say we hung out all that much or really ever went and did much together. But just the interactions I've had with them and the kind of people they are - it was just really special to see them again and how happy they are. That's the beauty about marriage - it can be for eternity. I've seen how these two have that perspective and it's amazing how it has impacted their relationship. I know that families can be forever, that marriage can transcend death. And I love seeing how happy that can make people.

Productive Day

2008-07-11T23:31:00.000-07:00

Well, today is likely the most productive day I've seen in a while. I was booked from 6am to 10:30pm pretty solid, with only 30min - 1 hr of total break time in betweeen. It's a very satisfying feeling for me to be so active. I always say better busy than bored. But you really have to be careful not to burn out. I realize that is one weakness I am very prone to - overdoing it and burning out. I am frequently reminded of the scripture in the Book of Mormon about not running faster than you have strength (see Mosiah 4:27). Balance is a tricky thing - something we're all learning throughout our lives. I've always felt like I'd rather do too much and be safe ("Nothing succeeds like excess," my Dad always jokes) instead of doing too little and coming up short. Things will work out in the end as long as we try our best. On a side note, I went and saw the new Pixar movie tonight, Wall-E, and think it is just outstanding. Great characters, good story-telling, excellent visuals - just a great movie all in all. Anyway, I better get to bed if I'm going to get up early to play basketball tomorrow.

Tough Decisions

2008-07-10T23:40:00.000-07:00

Well, it's late at night and I need to be getting to bed, but don't you just hate it when you have to make tough decisions? Especially when none appear to be particularly appealing? But things always have a way of working out in the end. I know that's super vague, but this is a public blog after all - privacy is still important. Anyway, as I think about it more, things will work out. I haven't found a place to put it in my new apartment yet, but at my old apartment I had this great quote by President Hinckley (late president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) right by my door that says, "Things will work out. Don't give up. Be believing. Keep trying. Things will work out." I really do believe that - and it's well substantiated both by living prophets and ancient scripture (see Romans 8). It's just a matter of being patient and staying optimistic. Regardless of any situation, if we are living a virtuous life, charting a course that stands approved in our Father in Heaven's eyes, then in the long run, everything will be fine. Sometimes it's the really really long run, but ultimately everything will come together. So I'll make my decision and keep on keeping on.

Taking Time

2008-07-08T22:38:00.000-07:00

I often find myself in this situation - it's getting late at night or close to a deadline and a friend comes and asks for help. I have substantial work to do, but I want to help this friend. Time and time again I choose the friend over the work. How do you make that decision? Granted, there's usually someone else who can help, but I can't help feeling like I need to let them know I am there for them anytime. Frankly, I can't think of any time I've helped the friend and I ended up failing to complete the work. Maybe the work was a little rushed, but it always seems to get done and usually done quite well. I don't know if it's naive to believe, but I feel like if I put others' needs in front of mine, I will be blessed to complete the work that needs to get done. Perhaps one day I'll come to the startling conclusion that this doesn't always happen, but I really think people are more important than work. No, I know that people are more important than work, at least in the long run. Think about it - people are eternal souls who will exist forever and to help even one of them is to serve God (see Mosiah 2:17 in the Book of Mormon). Work, while important and has many ramifications, ultimately will fade into the past, never to be seen again. Now don't start arguing because I know that work can have eternal impacts, but I'll always be prone to put people first. I'm just driven to be there for others- I really feel like it's my responsibility.

A very good place to start...

2008-07-07T20:23:00.000-07:00

Well, this is a new thing for me, but recently Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has been emphasizing the need for us to get out there and start communicating on the internet. Anyway, today's been a great start to the week. I have to admit, as much as most of the world hates Mondays, I really do enjoy the chance to get back to work and be productive again. Granted, today I fell asleep while doing my abstract algebra homework, so not every Monday is invigorating. But one thing I really did appreciate today was the trust others showed in me. It's amazing how a few kind words or just taking a moment to talk with someone can really boost someone's confidence. For example, right now I'm getting ready to apply to some very competitive graduate programs and there are a lot of people at my school applying to these same places. Sometimes I wonder if I really have a good shot a getting in at these top places. But just today, we had our weekly research assistant meeting with Coach Butler, and he spent most of the time addressing concerns that had come up in my research. He took longer than usual on the theory portion of our training to explain to me some advanced non linear regression techniques to correct for depreciation effects and also went into some methods for correcting endogeneity using propensity scores. OK, that may sound like gibberish to most of you, but his willingness to give attention to my work coupled with some kind words about what I'd accomplished thus far just gave me a little boost of confidence and extra motivation to go work hard. I don't know what life in the cutthroat corporate world is like, but I imagine we could all use more encouraging words and less stern demands. After all, even God Himself is said to "call, persuade, direct aright" (Hymns No. 240), and not yell, demand and scream (though His laws and firm and unchanging, uncompromising even). There are times and seasons for sharpness and firmness, but I think we tend to err on the side of not enough encouragement. Anyway, that's just one of the thoughts I have at the end of the day. I don't know if anyone will read this, but if you do, I hope you enjoy!